Possible Premature Ejacu-creation

 I'm not sure what happened today, but I wrote (for me) a fuck-ton. Once again, it's not great stuff, but since I'm writing the first thing that comes to mind, I pretty much get what I paid for. So far, nothing I've written has been funny as I'd like it to be, but since I'm writing again I'm willing to cut myself some slack. So here's what I've spent the last few hours writing:

When the baker closed for the night, he had no idea the yeast in the day's labor was not going to be the only thing that would rise that night. A truck rumbled by, as he got into his car and drove away.In the darkness of the night, a jelly donut stirred from its slumber as a jolt shook its body. In the glaze of his donut countenance, two slits cracked open, revealing strawberry jelly eyes. It blinked and some jelly leaked out of its eyes. It shuddered then, and two arms tore themselves from the donut's sides. Jelly seeped out its bottom, two strawberry trails. It rocked back and forth in an effort to sit up. It was to no avail, but it was determined to free itself from its glass cage. Minutes felt like hours as it lay there struggling. Another jolt racked his body. When the jolt hit the strawberry trails, the donut could feel the power come into them. He wiggled his new legs. It was invigorating, this new power. He sat up, flakes of glaze floating off his new appendages. The donut blinked as tears of jelly seeped from his eyes. A rage swelled within it, as intense as it was inexplicable. It reached a hand up and took a tear of jelly on his finger and smeared it below each of its new eyes. Nearby, an eclair shook as a great rent tore across it. The eclair screamed and howled in pain. The Jelly donut gathered up all its strength and stood up for the first time. On wobbly jelly legs, it took its first step. And then another. And another. It turned and walked toward the eclair. Its legs felt heavy with purpose, but the determination was strong within. As the jelly donut came closer to the eclair, the screams got louder. The eclair shook violently again, as another tear appeared above its mouth. It blinked a few times before its chocolate pupil turned towards the jelly donut. Its fearful screams turned to such urgency that creamy spittle began to fly out of its mouth. The donut reached down and tugged on a dried line of frosting. With each moment the eclair screamed, the more strength the jelly donut felt coursing through itself. A shard finally gave, and the jelly donut raised it above its head, letting out a shout of victory so loud, it shook the display case. Swelling with self-confidence, the jelly donut ran at the eclair with a war-cry. As the jelly donut got close enough to plunge its frosted shank into the eclair's soft doughy flesh, the eclair was wracked with painful jolts. Arms sprang out from its sides, the same as it did with the jelly donut, and as the shank came down to a whispers' space to the eclair's head, the eclair's arms shot out and grasped the shank, stopping the plunge dead. Grunting with the strain, the eclair worked his new arms, finding the strength to protect itself. The jelly donut leaned toward the eclair, letting its weight drive the shank closer to the eclair's chocolate-covered skin. They both shook with their efforts. Pain unlike anything it had ever experience coursed through the eclair's body. Creamy legs shot out of the bottom of the eclair like a bullet. The eclair screamed at the pain, but focused its energies on its new legs. With a great shove of its leg, the eclair flung the jelly donut over his head, slamming it into a cruller.